3 posts tagged “bush”
It has been five days and we have not heard any follow-up on the bird poop attack on President Bush at his recent Rose Garden press conference. I find this personally alarming. Apparently, after spending untold billions on Homeland Security, our Federal Government has not only failed to protect the President, but even afterwards, has been unable to apprehend and bring to justice a small bird! Disgraceful. I'm sure if they had succeeded in capturing or killing this airborne evildoer, they would quickly discover through enhanced interrogation and reported to the American People and anyone else watching Fox News that it had held the #2 position at Al Queda in Iraq. Or something. I certainly hope that the entire White House medical staff, including the Surgeon General, Bill Frist and Dr. Laura, are monitoring the Chief Executive Decider's health very carefully. After all, it could have been a carrier of Bird Flu. Or considering it was an all-white substance, maybe Anthrax. You do realize they never found whoever sent the Anthrax letters in 2001! They also didn't catch the guy on the plane with everything-resistant TB until he had gone to Italy, then Canada, then home. He could have infected our entire supply of Italian Sausage and Canadian Bacon! The least they could do is require anyone going to a government facility, airport or WalMart to empty their birds before entering. And as for the TB, empty their lungs. Sigh. I guess the terrorists really have won. I don't feel so well.
Too much ambiguity in news headlines. For example, can you tell which of these headlines refer to Homer, Jessica, O.J. or None of the Above?
Simpson Edited Out of Parton Tribute
Simpson to Put on Acoustic Christmas Concert at Cafe
Simpson Publisher Allegedly Used Slur
Then there is the "New Ripper" story out of NotSoJollyOldEngland, where this Steven Wright must NOT be confused with this Steven Wright (or, for that matter, this one or this one). Should celebrities even be allowed to have common names anymore?
But the most confusing headline of them all, which looked at first like
the only good news coming out of the White House these days...
Bush Saves Skydiver as Parachute Fails
It was a blackberry bush.
I still try to scrupulously avoid political humor, but I'm stunned somebody else hasn't taken the following idea and run with it (into the ground, most likely):
"A Christmas Quagmire", in which Ebenezer W. Bush is visited by the ghost of James Baker Marley, The Spirit of Iran Past (Sadaam), Iran Present (Maliki) and Iran Future (don't ask). He looks in at the Cratchett family: Cheney Crachett, Condi Cratchett and their adopted son Tiny Tim Rumsfeld (there's going to be an empty place at the table). There are so many satire points available in Bush's Past, and the Iran Present scenes (other than the Cratchetts) would be heartbreaking... The only thing I can't visualize is Ebenezer waking up a changed man. :(
